look back

looking back…

Iron Ducky
July 18, 2005

Tomorrow, I will be brave to face the challenges I’ve made. Strong enough to reach my goals. Good enough to make everyone proud. Today, I am a writer. Pouring my blood on the paper. Giving voice to my heart. Building a road that will lead to the mines. Yesterday, I wanted to be a duck that never sinks in the deepest river. Facing the strong flow in the middle of nowhere but still fighting to reach the shore will full confidence that he’ll survive.
And I guess I was a duck.

Changing lines
May 30, 2006

I have planned my life but it never did happen according to what I have written. I often change lines and took the turns of the road. No more reverses, just a full tank of courage and a navigator powered by the Creator to reach the end of the road.

Untitled
December 16, 2007

It’s nice to learn how much I’ve grown and matured. I don’t complain much more, I just act on it to improve it and prevent it. The immature thoughts of love and impatience are finally gone. I don’t cry to death-fall to death-run after to death anymore. I’ve learned to love myself first, so that I will be prepared to love “somebody” more in the future. I’ve learned. I’ve grown. Move on.

Zipper
August 19, 2008

Sometimes you just have to let go of that problem and cool it off a bit. Being impulsive doesn’t help a thing. Drop it. Let it cool then think and do something about it. If plan A doesn’t work, proceed with plan B. making alterations and picking up some lessons with the failed options. Proceed to plan C, D, E until Z. push harder and press stronger as you go until you finally solve it.

i started blogging july 2005. i just sort of, trying it out. it sounded cool and a lot more “in” those days, rather than keeping a diary in which your brother loves to peek in and know your secrets. but i did keep journals, lots of journals. i always have that need to say the things i’ve been thru the day and all the things that i have an opinion. whether its politics, national issues and crisis, family stuff or school stuff i always have time to scribble it down. way back before, poetry was my only my creative expression. i didn’t even know i can write until my parents are gone. being stressed out and into that traumatic situation (losing both of my parents) pour in my direction in writing. i guess my parents didn’t raised us expressive, e.g. shouting “i love you mom, i love you dad!” but rather creative in what we feel e.g. preparing breakfast or opening the door. the line that says “action speaks louder than voice” totally reflects our family.

i have found comfort in writing poetry rather than crying as an outlet of emotions. and as years pass, I’ve learned how to compose myself and build in my ideas into sentences and paragraphs. i would always write, rather than talk. and even today, nothing has changed. i would still send an sms message to my aunt, asking for the tuition fee deadline rather than saying it to her, even if we just live in the same house. i can’t barely mumble a simple “thank you” to anybody, still i would write that down.

yeah, i’d rather write than talk. looking back all my blog entries here from july 2005 to september 2008 reflects the ups and downs i’ve been through and the growth i’ve had as a writer and as a person. i’ve found another home and another comfort zone. i hope when i’m 75 years old, i would be still blogging and whining about my life and its uncertainties. and my grandchildren would comment back with my posts. *cool*